Morning all, hope your coffee is extra tasty, helping to soothe the notion that you make Bob Huggins look like he enjoys alcohol responsibly. Let's cut right to the chase this week shalst we?
Dear Mr. Schwartz,
On behalf of myself and all of the faithful readers of this blog and column, please, we beg you, as loyal watchers of the very program you worked so hard to create, GET RID OF DEAN HESS! Now! I'm a huge fan of your show, I watch it every week. In fact, I look forward to it. Please, heed the advice of everyone and make the dean have a fatal boating accident or something along those lines. Not only might he be the most over the top, demented, unintentionally gay character in the history of television, but he's even too fake for The OC, where anything flies.
Did you review his lines before casting him? Here, let me fresh your memory just a tad:
"I know you were responsible for bringing Marissa Cooper to the carnival."
"No, I'm not giving you the pleasure of reuniting with Ryan, you're staying here with me."
"This is your idea of school spirit?"...followed by beliving such a blatant crying episode from Taylor???? (More on this later)
Remember the Oliver debacle? Dean Hess is about 600 times worse. He's reaaaaaaaaaly testing my patience. Not that I'm a cat or anything, but he's reaaaaaaaaly pushing my buttons. Thank you for your time Mr. Schwartz,
Yours in OC watching,
(sign name here)
Now that I got that off me chest, I was none too disapointed to see the "Due to violence and other scenery, parental discretion is advised," before the episode even started. You just know that it was going to be good stuff. Kind of like being 12 and seeing a PG-13 movie. Perhaps the warning was in reference to James Cooper getting blugeoned by the ocean, or maybe it was Ryan and Marissa's romp in the commandeered beach hut that was apparently too much for the youngins to watch in prime time. I'm actually pretty surprised that it took a Midwestern two seasons plus for those two to do the horizontal mambo. And let me tell you I was terrified, just scared out of my mind that the Dean was going to be out on the beach on a mission to find his missing hut. Thankfully, that didn't happen.
Now, I've claimed several times before that J. Schwartz reads the Brew City Beat, but after he has Seth directly mention to Ryan, "you could start a blog, so she has every detail about you," now I'm convinced. Hence why I started this bad boy with an open letter to send to the mastermind of said Orange County, Calif., USA.
Staying on my favorite, no longer a bumbling doofus character for a moment, I really like how he's a toned down guy this season. I've counted at least 14 times the Cohen from years past would have messed up things with Summer since they got back together at the "O. Sea." Not this year. In fact, quite the opposite. He actually looked down the Dean and cooly quipped off the best line of the episode:
Dean: "I'm keeping you here with me."
Seth: "That's kind of creepy."
And he then proceeded to gut an extra month of detention all in the name of protecting Summer from being punished as well for the punishable by death act of taking and returning a prop. Way to be a hard ass dean.
For whatever reason, even though Jimmy has basically done nothing but be a crook throughout the entirety of this show, I still pulled for him. Seeing Marissa and Julie appear as though they had actual feelings for each other was a nice touch too. Poor Jimmy, but who in their right mind would approach Jimmy and be like, "I've got a great idea. You've bankrupted your clients in the past, but awh what the hell, I'll give you another chance." I believe I predicted Jimmy gone by week four, sue me I was one week off.
How will the Coopers manage without Jimmy or Caleb? An interesting scenario to say the least. But before I forget, Kirsten came home! Truthfully, I shouldn't have waited this long to bring it up, but you all watched the show anyway right? Exactly. Look good, feel good. And I look good. It appears that Charlotte is trying to dabble in the identity theft pool and that's cool, maybe she'll end up on the cover of Newsweek. I just hope she doesn't trace my online activities. But nonetheless, a welcome sight it was to see the Cohen household operating at full strength once again.
Let me state that season three is more than picking up the slack for last years. And oh boy do I love it. Check you next week when The OC goes Public School. Could it get any worse than that? Public schools in Newport Beach?
QUESTIONS FROM THE COUCH:
1. How the hell did Seth know who wrote 'South Pacific?"
2. Will Jimmy attend Halloween parties as an OC Frankenstein that bankrupts people?
3. Have we seen the last of Mr. Cooper?
4. Was I the only individual who was thinking that there are public schools conviently located along all major U.S. highways for Marissa and Ryan to attend when Julie was flipping out about her daughter not being able to go to school anywhere?
5. The Moto commercial prominently featuring ?uestlove of the Roots...an instant classic?
6. Is the Dean being paid by Charlotte to wreak havoc on the Cohens?
7. Are we actually supposed to believe those previews of Marissa at a public school? I mean seriously, does Newport Beach not have any public schools and she got hiked to Compton?
8. I couldn't have been the only person hoping for an Alan Dale voice over when Kirsten was reading the letter from him.
DRIVIN' DOWN THE 101:
Julie married Caleb for money, or for the security that money brings. Jimmy came back to Julie because she married Caleb, who died, and he needed money. Turns out when Caleb died, he was broke. Funny how many episodes and plots that wily old guy foiled.
Seth and Summer instantaneously mounted when push came to shove in season one. It took the smooth guy, Ryan, till season three. Huh.
The first time Jimmy and Julie got back together I refered to the Mrs. as Julie Cooper-Nicol-Cooper. Schwartz took till this episode. I'm fully expecting him to "post a comment," this week.
IF YOU BELIEVE THEY PUT A MAN ON THE MOON...
...you can believe that the dean will exit stage left and forever be gone when it is discovered he and Taylor are having relations in a mop closet.
...you can believe Marissa will start to morph into a gun-totin' sniper at the public school.
...you'll buy into the notion that Taylor will try to be the end all of Seth and Summer.
...you can bet Ryan and Marissa will end the season at the Harbor school.
...Charlotte will take Sandy to the edge and back as he tries to save his marriage again.
...you can believe I've added another section below.
FROM THE MIND OF THE LOVABLE GRUMP:
The LG predicted a Jimmy Cooper death. He came oh so close. Eat it Grump. He has also predicted a Charlotte goes nuts for Kirsten scenario, which seems to be on target. One can only imagine what the Lovable Grump is musing right now. (Yes, I realize this section will need a little fine tuning, but give me a week, it'll be just fine.) Out.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Almost Hunting Season
We are just 20 days away from the Milwaukee Bucks 2005 exhibition season opener. So, since many "experts" picked this team to win 20 games last season, and before the tremendous offseason they had this year, I thought I'd take a look at our 2005-2006 Milwaukee Bucks.
Losses:
Erik Strickland
Zaza Pachulia
Marcus Fizer
Calvin Booth
Additions:
Bobby Simmons
Andrew Bogut
Charlie Bell
Jiri Welsch
Earvin Johnson
Ersan Ilyasova
Ok, so losing Calvin Booth and Marcus Fizer has no impact on this team what so ever, and while losing a promising young player like Zaza Pachulia is discouraging, let's not forget we've got Andrew Bogut patrolling the paint now, so Zaza really had no place on this team.
Erik Strickland's loss will be a bigger impact than expected on the surface. Strickland did a great job working with youngsters like TJ Ford, and he and Mike James did the same for Mo Williams. He was a great insurance policy to have, he could play both guard positions and a little small forward. Besides that, the guy was the "dorm mircrowave," you know not quite as big as a household version, but put him in when you need to heat it up. Instant offense.
Two additions not mentioned, that I would classify in that category are resigning Michael Redd, and bringing back Toni Kukoc for at least one more season. Let's face it, Redd carried this team last year, and they needed him back, but this year he won't be the only offensive option. Kukoc will do a great job mentoring young Andrew Bogut, a player he models his game after as is.
So what does this leave us with as far as rotations? Keep in mind, this is very early, but basing this off of nothing other than following this team and the NBA since I was 12 here's how I break it down.
Starters
Andrew Bogut
Joe Smith
Bobby Simmons
Michael Redd
TJ Ford
Top Reserves
Gadzuric
Kukoc
Mason
Welsch
Williams
Insurance
Charlie Bell
Earvin Johnson
Not quite sure if Ilyasova will be on the squad or play overseas yet. Speaking of which, what ever happened to Symon Siezchweck? The second round pick in 2003, he was a highly touted Polish player, much like Ilyasova and played overseas the last few years.
I didnt' mention Reece Gaines because I'm really not sure where he stands with this team. He won't play ahead of Jiri Weslch, Mo Williams, TJ Ford, Des Mason, Michael Redd, or Bobby Simmons, and I really think Charlie Bell will be thier new find, much like Damon Jones in 2003.
What I like:
This team can throw so many different fronts at opposting defenses. They can play small ball much like Phoenix had success doing last year, with TJ at the point and Mason, Redd and Simmons on the wings and Bogut manning the middle.
They can go with the conventional lineup like I listed above, they can play a bigger lineup when playing teams with good post play (Any combo Gadzuric, Bogut, Smith, Kukoc, Simmons, Johnson) and they have a lot of depth.
Redd, Mason, Johnson, Gadzuric, and Kukoc all have familiarity with Terry Stotts. This is encouraging because Redd will be the focal point of you offense, Mason is your sixth man, Johnson and Gadzuric will be relied on heavily not only for thier play (in the case of Gadzuric more so than Earvin) but also the help Bogut along, and Kukoc will be relied on to be the "coach on the floor."
What I don't like:
TJ Ford. Is he healthy enough yet? Can he do everything yet? Don't interperet that opening the wrong way, I love TJ and all of the things he brings to this team, when he's there they run on all cylinders and are much harder to defend and much better defensively. The problem is I was certain he would never play again six months ago, now you're telling me not only will he, but he'll be ready come Octocber? I hope so, but we'll see.
The Bucks have drastically improved this offseason, but are still hindered by the fact that their division features Detroit, Indiana, an improving Chicago team and an up and coming Cleveland team. Believe me when I tell you that the Central Division may prove to be the toughest in all of basketball.
Losses:
Erik Strickland
Zaza Pachulia
Marcus Fizer
Calvin Booth
Additions:
Bobby Simmons
Andrew Bogut
Charlie Bell
Jiri Welsch
Earvin Johnson
Ersan Ilyasova
Ok, so losing Calvin Booth and Marcus Fizer has no impact on this team what so ever, and while losing a promising young player like Zaza Pachulia is discouraging, let's not forget we've got Andrew Bogut patrolling the paint now, so Zaza really had no place on this team.
Erik Strickland's loss will be a bigger impact than expected on the surface. Strickland did a great job working with youngsters like TJ Ford, and he and Mike James did the same for Mo Williams. He was a great insurance policy to have, he could play both guard positions and a little small forward. Besides that, the guy was the "dorm mircrowave," you know not quite as big as a household version, but put him in when you need to heat it up. Instant offense.
Two additions not mentioned, that I would classify in that category are resigning Michael Redd, and bringing back Toni Kukoc for at least one more season. Let's face it, Redd carried this team last year, and they needed him back, but this year he won't be the only offensive option. Kukoc will do a great job mentoring young Andrew Bogut, a player he models his game after as is.
So what does this leave us with as far as rotations? Keep in mind, this is very early, but basing this off of nothing other than following this team and the NBA since I was 12 here's how I break it down.
Starters
Andrew Bogut
Joe Smith
Bobby Simmons
Michael Redd
TJ Ford
Top Reserves
Gadzuric
Kukoc
Mason
Welsch
Williams
Insurance
Charlie Bell
Earvin Johnson
Not quite sure if Ilyasova will be on the squad or play overseas yet. Speaking of which, what ever happened to Symon Siezchweck? The second round pick in 2003, he was a highly touted Polish player, much like Ilyasova and played overseas the last few years.
I didnt' mention Reece Gaines because I'm really not sure where he stands with this team. He won't play ahead of Jiri Weslch, Mo Williams, TJ Ford, Des Mason, Michael Redd, or Bobby Simmons, and I really think Charlie Bell will be thier new find, much like Damon Jones in 2003.
What I like:
This team can throw so many different fronts at opposting defenses. They can play small ball much like Phoenix had success doing last year, with TJ at the point and Mason, Redd and Simmons on the wings and Bogut manning the middle.
They can go with the conventional lineup like I listed above, they can play a bigger lineup when playing teams with good post play (Any combo Gadzuric, Bogut, Smith, Kukoc, Simmons, Johnson) and they have a lot of depth.
Redd, Mason, Johnson, Gadzuric, and Kukoc all have familiarity with Terry Stotts. This is encouraging because Redd will be the focal point of you offense, Mason is your sixth man, Johnson and Gadzuric will be relied on heavily not only for thier play (in the case of Gadzuric more so than Earvin) but also the help Bogut along, and Kukoc will be relied on to be the "coach on the floor."
What I don't like:
TJ Ford. Is he healthy enough yet? Can he do everything yet? Don't interperet that opening the wrong way, I love TJ and all of the things he brings to this team, when he's there they run on all cylinders and are much harder to defend and much better defensively. The problem is I was certain he would never play again six months ago, now you're telling me not only will he, but he'll be ready come Octocber? I hope so, but we'll see.
The Bucks have drastically improved this offseason, but are still hindered by the fact that their division features Detroit, Indiana, an improving Chicago team and an up and coming Cleveland team. Believe me when I tell you that the Central Division may prove to be the toughest in all of basketball.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Daily Brew 9/21
It was a pretty big night last night, and I'm not talking about sports. Last night featured a pretty big matchup between the Brewers and Cubs, but that's where my sports interest ended.
Yeah, lets just say I got a lot of mileage out of the DVR, brought to you by Charter (just like my paycheck) as we saw the series premiere of My name is Earl, the season premier of Nip/Tuck, and how could we forget The Real World?
Toss in a quick game of Madden, and a trip to two different grocery stores (don't ask) and my night was pretty full.
All in all, I was slightly disappointed with the evening. The positives were the Brewers win, and My name is Earl. I liked the show, but it may be due to the fact that I'm a fan of Jason Lee.
It wasn't overly funning, and I didn't walk away saying "Wow, that show was great" but I liked the premise of it, and it held my attention.
As stated earlier, the crew picked up a big win over the rival Cubs in their quest for .500. Doug Davis took the mound and struck out 10, but shockingly picked up the win. I think he's now 1-2 in his last 49 starts.
Editors note here, please, PLEASE, fire Sutton, and Brainerd. Schroeder is pretty bad too, if he goes I have no problem, if he stays he's got one year to prove himself. These guys bring nothign to the broadcast, what so ever. All Sutton does is talk, and all of it is pointless, wrong, annoying or irrelavent.
Memorandum
To: Darron Sutton
From: People who view sports on TV on a regular Basis
CC: Bob Brainerd
Dear Darron,
You are a televison play-by-play man, television not radio. YOU DO NOT NEED TO MINDLESSLY FILL THE ENTIRE BROADCAST WITH SPOKEN WORDS WHEN YOU ARE ON TV, AGAIN THIS IS NOT RADIO!
Please stop saying, "Get some runs," stop yelling when average plays happen, stop metioning Leinnekugels, and stop overhyping all Brewers players.
I really don't care to know if people in the bucket head section feel Howie Long would be a good fit, or if he is invited to the Buckhead Brigade section. I change the channel everytime a certain lanky blonde annoying guy comes on the screen.
Thanks,
All of Southeast Wisconsin
P.S. Stop trying to give us baseball advice, why would we want to take advice from a guy who has pitching in his genes and yet couldn't even hack it as a AA pitcher, and I know this doesn't fall on you, but tell your boss to stop with the "Bill's Grill" segments.
That's it for now.
Anyway, I though Nip/Tuck was kind of disappointing. They fooled my by having the whole funeral setup and making me believe that the carver actually killed Christian. So it started out good with that, but then they wasted the entire episode on removing the huge lady from her house, and eventually her death. I really didnt' need to see her on screen for an hour, no offense.
Lastly, the Real World is starting to get real annoying and borderline unwatchable. Johanna got arrested, Wes got drunk, and Melinda and Danny continued this three week in the making fall out.
Oh my god, I really wanted to kill myself while hangliding while watching that last night. Danny wants his space, Melinda loves Danny, Danny doesn't want to hurt Melinda, Melinda gives him his space, Danny meets other girls, Melinda hates Danny.
Ohh my god, I can't take it. I'm not in college anymore, I can't take this soap opera saga. The best thing that came of the episode was the preview for next week. Let's just say Wes is pulling off the crazy-scorned-love sick-psycho-stalker role perfectly.
Man, I gotta recoup. Hasta manana.
Yeah, lets just say I got a lot of mileage out of the DVR, brought to you by Charter (just like my paycheck) as we saw the series premiere of My name is Earl, the season premier of Nip/Tuck, and how could we forget The Real World?
Toss in a quick game of Madden, and a trip to two different grocery stores (don't ask) and my night was pretty full.
All in all, I was slightly disappointed with the evening. The positives were the Brewers win, and My name is Earl. I liked the show, but it may be due to the fact that I'm a fan of Jason Lee.
It wasn't overly funning, and I didn't walk away saying "Wow, that show was great" but I liked the premise of it, and it held my attention.
As stated earlier, the crew picked up a big win over the rival Cubs in their quest for .500. Doug Davis took the mound and struck out 10, but shockingly picked up the win. I think he's now 1-2 in his last 49 starts.
Editors note here, please, PLEASE, fire Sutton, and Brainerd. Schroeder is pretty bad too, if he goes I have no problem, if he stays he's got one year to prove himself. These guys bring nothign to the broadcast, what so ever. All Sutton does is talk, and all of it is pointless, wrong, annoying or irrelavent.
Memorandum
To: Darron Sutton
From: People who view sports on TV on a regular Basis
CC: Bob Brainerd
Dear Darron,
You are a televison play-by-play man, television not radio. YOU DO NOT NEED TO MINDLESSLY FILL THE ENTIRE BROADCAST WITH SPOKEN WORDS WHEN YOU ARE ON TV, AGAIN THIS IS NOT RADIO!
Please stop saying, "Get some runs," stop yelling when average plays happen, stop metioning Leinnekugels, and stop overhyping all Brewers players.
I really don't care to know if people in the bucket head section feel Howie Long would be a good fit, or if he is invited to the Buckhead Brigade section. I change the channel everytime a certain lanky blonde annoying guy comes on the screen.
Thanks,
All of Southeast Wisconsin
P.S. Stop trying to give us baseball advice, why would we want to take advice from a guy who has pitching in his genes and yet couldn't even hack it as a AA pitcher, and I know this doesn't fall on you, but tell your boss to stop with the "Bill's Grill" segments.
That's it for now.
Anyway, I though Nip/Tuck was kind of disappointing. They fooled my by having the whole funeral setup and making me believe that the carver actually killed Christian. So it started out good with that, but then they wasted the entire episode on removing the huge lady from her house, and eventually her death. I really didnt' need to see her on screen for an hour, no offense.
Lastly, the Real World is starting to get real annoying and borderline unwatchable. Johanna got arrested, Wes got drunk, and Melinda and Danny continued this three week in the making fall out.
Oh my god, I really wanted to kill myself while hangliding while watching that last night. Danny wants his space, Melinda loves Danny, Danny doesn't want to hurt Melinda, Melinda gives him his space, Danny meets other girls, Melinda hates Danny.
Ohh my god, I can't take it. I'm not in college anymore, I can't take this soap opera saga. The best thing that came of the episode was the preview for next week. Let's just say Wes is pulling off the crazy-scorned-love sick-psycho-stalker role perfectly.
Man, I gotta recoup. Hasta manana.
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