The OC Friday Morning Hangover: The Humpin'pisode

Morning all, hope your coffee is extra tasty, helping to soothe the notion that you make Bob Huggins look like he enjoys alcohol responsibly. Let's cut right to the chase this week shalst we?

Dear Mr. Schwartz,
On behalf of myself and all of the faithful readers of this blog and column, please, we beg you, as loyal watchers of the very program you worked so hard to create, GET RID OF DEAN HESS! Now! I'm a huge fan of your show, I watch it every week. In fact, I look forward to it. Please, heed the advice of everyone and make the dean have a fatal boating accident or something along those lines. Not only might he be the most over the top, demented, unintentionally gay character in the history of television, but he's even too fake for The OC, where anything flies.

Did you review his lines before casting him? Here, let me fresh your memory just a tad:
"I know you were responsible for bringing Marissa Cooper to the carnival."

"No, I'm not giving you the pleasure of reuniting with Ryan, you're staying here with me."

"This is your idea of school spirit?"...followed by beliving such a blatant crying episode from Taylor???? (More on this later)

Remember the Oliver debacle? Dean Hess is about 600 times worse. He's reaaaaaaaaaly testing my patience. Not that I'm a cat or anything, but he's reaaaaaaaaly pushing my buttons. Thank you for your time Mr. Schwartz,

Yours in OC watching,

(sign name here)

Now that I got that off me chest, I was none too disapointed to see the "Due to violence and other scenery, parental discretion is advised," before the episode even started. You just know that it was going to be good stuff. Kind of like being 12 and seeing a PG-13 movie. Perhaps the warning was in reference to James Cooper getting blugeoned by the ocean, or maybe it was Ryan and Marissa's romp in the commandeered beach hut that was apparently too much for the youngins to watch in prime time. I'm actually pretty surprised that it took a Midwestern two seasons plus for those two to do the horizontal mambo. And let me tell you I was terrified, just scared out of my mind that the Dean was going to be out on the beach on a mission to find his missing hut. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

Now, I've claimed several times before that J. Schwartz reads the Brew City Beat, but after he has Seth directly mention to Ryan, "you could start a blog, so she has every detail about you," now I'm convinced. Hence why I started this bad boy with an open letter to send to the mastermind of said Orange County, Calif., USA.

Staying on my favorite, no longer a bumbling doofus character for a moment, I really like how he's a toned down guy this season. I've counted at least 14 times the Cohen from years past would have messed up things with Summer since they got back together at the "O. Sea." Not this year. In fact, quite the opposite. He actually looked down the Dean and cooly quipped off the best line of the episode:

Dean: "I'm keeping you here with me."
Seth: "That's kind of creepy."

And he then proceeded to gut an extra month of detention all in the name of protecting Summer from being punished as well for the punishable by death act of taking and returning a prop. Way to be a hard ass dean.

For whatever reason, even though Jimmy has basically done nothing but be a crook throughout the entirety of this show, I still pulled for him. Seeing Marissa and Julie appear as though they had actual feelings for each other was a nice touch too. Poor Jimmy, but who in their right mind would approach Jimmy and be like, "I've got a great idea. You've bankrupted your clients in the past, but awh what the hell, I'll give you another chance." I believe I predicted Jimmy gone by week four, sue me I was one week off.

How will the Coopers manage without Jimmy or Caleb? An interesting scenario to say the least. But before I forget, Kirsten came home! Truthfully, I shouldn't have waited this long to bring it up, but you all watched the show anyway right? Exactly. Look good, feel good. And I look good. It appears that Charlotte is trying to dabble in the identity theft pool and that's cool, maybe she'll end up on the cover of Newsweek. I just hope she doesn't trace my online activities. But nonetheless, a welcome sight it was to see the Cohen household operating at full strength once again.

Let me state that season three is more than picking up the slack for last years. And oh boy do I love it. Check you next week when The OC goes Public School. Could it get any worse than that? Public schools in Newport Beach?

QUESTIONS FROM THE COUCH:
1. How the hell did Seth know who wrote 'South Pacific?"

2. Will Jimmy attend Halloween parties as an OC Frankenstein that bankrupts people?

3. Have we seen the last of Mr. Cooper?

4. Was I the only individual who was thinking that there are public schools conviently located along all major U.S. highways for Marissa and Ryan to attend when Julie was flipping out about her daughter not being able to go to school anywhere?

5. The Moto commercial prominently featuring ?uestlove of the Roots...an instant classic?

6. Is the Dean being paid by Charlotte to wreak havoc on the Cohens?

7. Are we actually supposed to believe those previews of Marissa at a public school? I mean seriously, does Newport Beach not have any public schools and she got hiked to Compton?

8. I couldn't have been the only person hoping for an Alan Dale voice over when Kirsten was reading the letter from him.

DRIVIN' DOWN THE 101:
Julie married Caleb for money, or for the security that money brings. Jimmy came back to Julie because she married Caleb, who died, and he needed money. Turns out when Caleb died, he was broke. Funny how many episodes and plots that wily old guy foiled.

Seth and Summer instantaneously mounted when push came to shove in season one. It took the smooth guy, Ryan, till season three. Huh.

The first time Jimmy and Julie got back together I refered to the Mrs. as Julie Cooper-Nicol-Cooper. Schwartz took till this episode. I'm fully expecting him to "post a comment," this week.

IF YOU BELIEVE THEY PUT A MAN ON THE MOON...
...you can believe that the dean will exit stage left and forever be gone when it is discovered he and Taylor are having relations in a mop closet.

...you can believe Marissa will start to morph into a gun-totin' sniper at the public school.

...you'll buy into the notion that Taylor will try to be the end all of Seth and Summer.

...you can bet Ryan and Marissa will end the season at the Harbor school.

...Charlotte will take Sandy to the edge and back as he tries to save his marriage again.

...you can believe I've added another section below.

FROM THE MIND OF THE LOVABLE GRUMP:
The LG predicted a Jimmy Cooper death. He came oh so close. Eat it Grump. He has also predicted a Charlotte goes nuts for Kirsten scenario, which seems to be on target. One can only imagine what the Lovable Grump is musing right now. (Yes, I realize this section will need a little fine tuning, but give me a week, it'll be just fine.) Out.