If you take one thing away from this here blog today it is: don't see the movie about the babysitter and the creep who keeps calling and gets the kids. I already forgot its name it looks that bad. Well Johnny died! Or did he? The episode was appropriately titled "The Cliffhanger" in ode to having to wait a week to find out if Johnny got 86'd by tequila or if he simply broke his other leg. C'mon Jonathan, everyone knows tequila's a fightin' booze. Had you romanced the 15-year-old by the fire with some rum ala Jack Sparrow, all would be well. But you're dead! Or at least that's what we're hoping. For the one person who reads this that was a fan of Johnny and wants to see him "act" again, tune into the made for TV movie that CBS will advertise during the NCAA Tournament. It worked wonders for Shannon Lucio in "Shark Attack" last year. Allright then, aspirin? Check. Bloody? Check. 2K6 Salary Spreadsheet? Not published yet.
Dr. Roberts fell for Julie Cooper-Nicol-Cooper-Roberts anyway. DEAR MR. SCHWARTZ, IT'S SO EFFING OBVIOUS YOU'RE GOING TO USE THE NAME I JUST WROTE LATER THIS SEASON, IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY YOU D'BAG. God Bless the scene of Julie in her oversive glasses and shall. Hi-larious, watching her be at an utter loss for words. And more importantly, Summer and Marissa get to be sisters! Hoo-Rah! And going with little fanfare, was the fact that Kirsten's plan worked after all.
I'm setting the over-under on weeks until Kirsten re-takes over the Newport Group at four. There, I said it Schwartz. Prove me wrong. You already had Seth toke up you tough guy.
Seth continues to pass the dutchie to the left hand side whilst rocking out to The Cure, or whatever band that was. And because of his blue screen gazing, Summer knows he's a young Sandy in the wings. Nothing a little pink bra can't fix next week. Could Seth and Summer be hitting their first true rocky spot of season three? Who knows, but I hope next time Seth is merrily toking his J-Bird under his windowsill, I hope he's just jamming out to Sean Paul "We be burnin'."
If Johnny had one thing going for him that I tip my hat to, it's that I don't think I've ever met a dude who can just up and profess his love to the princess of his respected city like it was no big deal. That'd be like senior year of HS Filzen, just marching up to the Queen of the WB and professing his love to Duke, Alabama, the Yankees, Green Bay, the Cubs, the Celtics, her, West Salem and whoever is favored to win the Lingerie Bowl...in that order. Highly unlikely, he's probably more prone to receive over two dollars worth of text messages from me, JG and another random number. Wait, my copy editor is handing me a piece of paper, opps, I guess that did happen. Those editor/fact checkers are tightening up these days thank you very much James Frey.
Before I peace out here, was the last five minutes as crazy and batshit crazy as it was billed? Did anybody doubt a hammered Johnny was going for a spill? I'm out, Pittsburgh by 17.
QUESTIONS FROM THE COUCH:
1. A 15 year old girl has several pulls of tequila and we're supposed to believe she's sober?
2. All those concerts those kids go to at the Bait Shop and they seriously don't know what a guy who was just smoking weed smells like? Nice slip up Schwartz. Ba-Zing!
3. What does Marissa do to all these poor Newport Beach guys? Oliver, Johnny? She's going to be on the FBI watch list soon, not that the entire nation isn't already.
4. If I jumped off a cliff everytime a girl "just wanted to be friends," pretty sure I would never have known the simple pleasure of TNST.
5. Will Kaitlyn's character be 86'd now that Johnny is (hopefully) gone?
DRIVIN' DOWN THE 101:
I believe, and I could use that fact checker again here, that the last time Julie was all done up in her shall and big'ums glasses was in episode one of season three, when she entered the hospital, black mailing Trey.
IF YOU BELIEVE THEY PUT A MAN ON THE MOON
...you can believe (sigh) that Johnny is alive.
...you can believe Kaitlyn will continue to try to wreack havoc on Marissa and Ryan.
...you can believe Sandy will teach his son how to properly roll a fattie!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
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